“Let your conversations be gracious and effective, so that you will have the right answer for everyone.”

We have all been in conversations where in a matter of minutes shorter than we imagined a whole bunch of good work gets done. It’s almost like everyone was tuned in exactly to the same frequency and it is all signal and no noise. You almost want to give high fives on the way out of the conversation because it was so productive and effective. Now, on the flip side, we have certainly been in conversations that go around in circles for so long that we are dizzy. At the end of what seems like forever, nothing is decided or any clearer and we sigh and say under our breath, “what a waste of time”. Why do some conversations work and others don’t? I would present forward that those that work the best are when underlying the conversation there is already a foundation of aligned values, principles and objectives that is mortared together with trust. When we find ourselves in those types of conversations they are effective and we should consider ourselves fortunate when they occur because they are not the standard fare. But, it’s important for productivity that we strive for these types of effective conversations and we work hard to establish the building blocks that will allow conversations to be the best they can be.

When Paul gives his direction to the Colossians about how to be gracious in conversation he also tells them to strive for effectiveness because gracious and effective conversations will lead to the right answers. We too often struggle for the right answers and we can’t find them because we didn’t hear what we were supposed to hear or we just aren’t in tune with another person well enough to find the right answers for everyone. What Paul was saying to all of us is that we can first of all have an effective conversation by controlling our language so that it is filled with graciousness. From there he is telling us that the correct answers for everyone also lie in doing what it takes for the conversation to be effective. That means listening. That means taking what someone else says into their context. That means being engaged enough with them that they want to talk back. There are many points to having an effective conversation, but let us remember that Paul serves us well by calling out graciousness as the forerunner of effectiveness. How gracious are we being in our conversations and how much are we striving for effective conversations versus just letting the words be what they may be? Today, think about this as you enter into what will be many conversations and check and see when these were effective and when they weren’t and what we can learn from the differences.

Reference: Colossians 4:6 (New Living Testament)