While I am on vacation, I have asked friends, and encouragers of Purposed worKING to contribute. Today’s post comes from Steve Hayes. He is Steve is the Sr. Partner & Founder of The Human Capital Group, Inc. – a Retained Executive Search and Leadership Consulting firm (www.HumanCapitalGroupInc.com).

Constructive (not destructive) feedback is such an important ingredient to a healthy relationship…whether that relationship be at work with colleagues, direct reports, a boss or customers….or at home with a spouse, child or parent. We all know that no one can “buy” trust…it is something we give to those who have shown us that they are worthy to hold our trust. Healthy relationships are nurtured over time and result in trust being earned. Unfortunately, all too often we decide to “avoid conflict” at work (and at home) and choose not to “invest” in each other through the “gift” of constructive feedback. Suppose you went to lunch with your team from work and you enjoyed the best hamburger ever. Unfortunately, you left the restaurant unaware of the fact that you had a nice blot of ketchup on your chin. Everyone else saw it….but you couldn’t see it (it’s like having spinach in your teeth or something hanging from your nose….you know, the most embarrassing kind of feeling). Even worse…no one from your group was comfortable enough to let you know about it – or to make an “investment” in you through the gift of constructive feedback. So you went through your day, conducting meetings, interviewing candidates, making a presentation to Sr. Management…and no one told you about the ketchup. As you got home that night, your spouse made you painfully aware of the fact that you had spent the entire afternoon with a nice red mark on your face. In hindsight, wouldn’t you have preferred that someone had “taken the risk” and pulled you aside to point out this “flaw”? You might have been embarrassed for a moment, but you probably would have been forever grateful to the person who “invested” in you with the gift of constructive feedback. If this was your reaction, then you now have the reinforcement to live the “Golden Rule” as outlined in Luke 6:31 “Treat all people as you would want to be treated!” In other words, take the time to “invest” in others when you see that they have “ketchup” on their face…maybe they said something inappropriate during a meeting, or they didn’t deliver on a commitment, or they are making bad choices of some kind or another. The easy thing to do is to say nothing. The loving thing to do is to give them the “gift” of constructive feedback in the hopes that they don’t walk around all day with ketchup on their face!

Reference: Luke 6:31